Black career women, need love too
If you read that title, in tune with Summer Walker’s song Girls, Need to love too, you’ve read it right. Today is
#internationalwomensday and my heart is full. Full of love and care for Black women. I just love Black women. Lately, I’ve been thinking about love and how Black women can love across. By loving across, I mean how can we reach across to those near and far and make love our reverberate. I think this is something, Black women get right only some of the time. You see, Black women know for sure that this love is needed for our sisters experiencing poverty but not so much for our Black career women. Now, let me first say all of our sisters need our love. My next statement is not an either/or statement but it is a both/and. Before you keep reading let me be even more clear, I am suggesting that we love our women experiencing poverty and our “successful” Black women, equally. Now I ask: What about our successful, career-driven, multi-tasking, overachieving Black women?
Black career women, struggle too.
The struggles you experience as a successful Black woman in a classist society hits different. In your career, you face racism, sexism, oppression, microaggressions, and more. You strive to get promotions and higher salaries to prove your worth. You refuse to take handouts because you want to earn your spot. At home, you struggle with being a “good woman and mother” because society defines this by your ability to cook, your availability for frequent sex, and by never missing anything regarding your child. Society shames you for your desire to have a career and tells you that you have to choose. Society is wrong. Black career women need love, too.
Are you any less deserving of sisterhood, love, support, and community simply because you can check off certain boxes? No. But our society says that once you have the degrees, the car, the partner, the salary, and the benefits that you’ve “made it”. But, what about your heart, your soul, and your spirit? You know the parts of you that feel empty no matter how many times you try to fill them with material things. Do you know why you don’t feel fulfilled, sis? Your hyper independence and “goal crushing” is a trauma response. Meaning, somewhere along the way, it became clear, that this world is a “survival of the fittest” and you decided that there was no way you were going to lose. So, you rolled up your sleeves, put on your big girl panties, and came with it. AND society let you. Your aunties, sisters, and elders, let you. To protect you. But, that protection came at a big expense. It cost you your self-worth and your inner essence. Despite what you thought to be true, success and self-freedom are both/and achievements not either/or achievements.
We must stop picking and choosing which Black women are deserving when we all are struggling. Many forget that Black career women need love. We mustn’t let anyone forget. This creates so much division and loneliness for Black career women. I am thinking of an Audre Lorde quote “Divide and conquer must become define and empower”. As a Black career woman, you need love too. Begin with defining.
Begin giving yourself love, now:
- Define- You can begin by defining yourself based on your standards, not based on society’s metrics of femininity. If you’re not sure where to start begin by identifying women you admire. Write down what you admire about them and why. See if you can use those admirable qualities to define yourself. If this is hard, identify people you don’t admire and begin with what a woman is not. Don’t worry, there are many different means to an end.
Other Services at Revitalizing Inner Self Essense
It is an honor of mine to work with strong and resilient women at my Pikesville, MD-based counseling practice. It is my priority to honor the life you’ve lived before walking through my doors and to help you find a future you love. All of my work is rooted in trauma therapy, whether you are seeking services as a survivor of domestic violence or homicide.It is a great honor for me to work with women in this space. And, as a Black queer therapist in Baltimore, I understand the many identities that each individual brings to the table. Your unique needs and identities will be seen and understood when you work with me for trauma therapy. To learn more about me and my approach to therapy, contact me today.