Deepen your self-love practice this Valentine’s Day season

love, love. I love it, even more, when it is directed inward. This Valentine’s Day season I am thinking of the women who are struggling with self-love during a time where the world is highlighting external love. This post is for all my girls who are driven, focused, and don’t feel a need to define themselves by their significant other, well…. until love is “in the air”. First thing first- I am happy that you are out here checking off your to-do lists, crushing your goals, and leveling up. Go sis! I also want you to know that longing for human connection, unconditional love, fiery intimacy, and loyalty doesn’t make you crazy or weak. But, it does make you human. Patriarchy, misogyny, heteronomativity, colonialism, and oppression (to name a few, yall know I could go on) all seek to define our love life and confine us as loving beings. Here’s to saying eff that!

What do I mean by self-love practice?

When I think of self-love, I think of things that you do to bring yourself joy, make your heart skip a beat, put a smile on your face, or satisfy your libido. By practice, I mean creating a consistent and regular routine. Maybe your routine changes based on how your body, mind, or spirit guides you, that’s okay. The main point is that you engage in some combination of these things regularly. You deserve it, so stop treating yourself like a yellow starburst when you’re a pink one.

3 ways to deepen your self-love practice

1.Make your bath time a ritual: Y’all I am not talking about squeezing in a 10-min bath with lukewarm water and a random candle. What I mean by bath time as a ritual is transforming your time with water and yourself into an intimate visceral experience. Here’s how:

  • Allow at least 20 minutes for your bath time
  • Incorporate 1-2 cups of Himalayan salt into your bath water
  • Add drops of essential oils
  • Add flowers, fruit, or eucalyptus for detoxification
  • Light 3-5 candles and turn off your bathroom light
  • Turn on a relaxing mood playlist

2. Perform Mirror Mémoires: Y’all I am not talking about looking yourself in the mirror and saying something like “you go girl”. I mean look at yourself, in all your beauty, and give yourself the love you need at the moment. Look at those stretch marks, touch them, and thank your body for its ability to hold space for you. Look at your face, notice the sadness and tiredness and touch your face and thank your face for its beauty. Have a whole conversation with all your body parts, your fears, and your pain, and speak gratitude to yourself for your perseverance.

3. Unblock your heart chakra with masturbation: Y’all we are grown and what we are not going to do is pretend like masturbation isn’t a thing. Masturbation is a radical act of self-love. I propose that the next time you masturbate that you have an intimate experience with self-love. Touch yourself, feel yourself, inhale love and exhale pleasure. Use your body and/or toys to give yourself a pleasurable release. Set the mood with candles, flowers, chocolate, toys and whatever else you need for yourself, and take yourself to ecstasy. When you’re done, thank your body for the intimate experience. 

Side note: You can deepen your self-love practice further by placing a mirror near your bathtub and engaging in all 3 self-love practices simultaneously.

This year pull up on yourself with the love you desire. J. Cole said it best “Love yourself girl, or nobody will”- Crooked Smile